100 Tips On How To Live Life

01) Don't lick spark plugs

02) Don't urinate on people

03) Love with all of your heart

04) Don't give a fuck what other people think about you

05) Eat fatty foods; they taste good. If someone calls you fat, pull out a chocolate bar and say "sure as hell I am"

06) Don't pee uphill if you have holes in your shoes

07) Take your shoes off somewhere random just to feel what's around. Make sure there's no glass

08) Sing as loudly in the shower as you can; you sound better in there no matter who you are

09) Bring back Socks and Sandals

10) Fall asleep at your computer

11) Put your headphones on and sing along on a crowded street

12) See how long you can hold your breath underwater; don't drown

13) Don't taste the shampoo to see if it tastes as good as it smells; it doesn't

14) Chew with your mouth closed

15¬) Start a food fight, but not when the school principle/ vice principle/ school grounds keeper is around

16) Jump in a lake with your shoes and socks on

17) Stand in the rain in just your underwear

18) If you like sports, audition for a play; if you like acting, try out for sports. Unless you're lazy… and uncoordinated

19) Close your eyes and walk around your house; bet you don't know it as well as you thought

20) Start a stupid rumor about yourself; not someone else

21) Trip over your own feet

22) Tell the guy you love him

23) Tell the girl you hate her

24) Eat lots of cheese

25) Disney movies are your friends; admit it to everyone

26) Don't try to scrape gum off of the sidewalks unless you're paid… and it's your job

27) Don't lick swing sets… or any playground structure for that matter

28) Don't poop in the pool

29) Run as fast as you can into a wall… brace yourself first

30) Poke the bruise

31) Chase after someone even when they say they want nothing to do with you

32) Some things you just can't "forgive and forget"

33) Refrain from standing on the roof with a golf club if there's a thunderstorm

34) Don't take your shirt off at Disney World unless your in a pool… and only sometimes is that okay (yeah, I'm talking to the guys with boobs)

35) Make your boyfriends shave their armpits. For all of us, please

36) If the meat has been sitting on the counter for more than 24 hours, throw it away

37) Drink from the carton… when no one can see

38) Eh, who cares? Let everyone see

39) Don't try to do the worm if you know you can't. At least not in front of people you don't know

40) Dip celery into cream frosting; it's good

41) Name your babies before you get married

42) Change them once you do

43) Pretend you're famous; conduct an interview with yourself

44) Write a list of tips you have for other people

45) Try to follow them

46) Donuts are good

47) Make friends with the people who work at your favorite restaurant

48) Bowl with the bumpers; you get a better score

49) Play "Apples to Apples" when you've had to much sugar

50) At a sleepover, don't think the person next to you is your dog and pet him/her

51) Try to drink Root Beer upside down

52) Don't try to snort Diet Coka-Cola through a straw because you want to "snort coke". It hurts. Again, you're just gonna have to trust me

53) Leave the cap off of the tooth-paste if you wanna

54) Go on a shopping spree in the Dollar Store

55) Don't discourage little kids who like to run around naked/in underwear

56) Find some place far from where you live where you know no one and pretend to be someone else for a day. Accents make it better

57) Sleep until noon

58) Or later

59) Don't wear thongs, floss with them (MAKE SURE THEY AREN'T USED)

60) Pose on the kiddie rides at the mall

61) Don't pierce something stupid

62) Try not to eat road kill

63) Try on the ugliest clothes in the store you can find. Take pictures

64) Pretend you're prom queen

65) Find the man of your dreams

66) Get your heart broken at least once; then you'll know how much better it is when you find the real thing

67) Don't get married to young

68) Unless you find the perfect person

69) 69% or people find something perverted in anything you say…

70) Don't get pregnant

71) If you can't take care of it, give it up for adoption

72) Don't move away from your friends and family for a job

73) Take some stuffz out o' da 'fridge 'n' make yo'self somethin' ta eat!

74) Make a fool of yourself at Open Mic Night; go back next week and do a good job

75) Get kicked out of a restaurant; make sure it's not your favorite; you might not be welcomed back

76) Don't bet your last dollar if you're not sure you're going to win

77) Bathrooms in gas stations are for peeing, not mating

78) If you have to pee, go pee

79) Flirt with someone you don't like who doesn't like you

80) Try not to break bones

81) Take a coloring book and color everything the "wrong" color

82) Eat a pineapple on Wednesday

83) Cut the pineapple first

84) Make grass angles if you can't find any snow

85) Only make half the brownie mix into brownies; eat the rest as brownie soup

86) If you're tired, go to sleep

87) Don't masturbate in public

88) Drive 88 miles an hour… you never know

89) Use condoms

90) Spend money you don't have

91) Play "The Penis Game" and win… always

92) Joke around with a pole… in a private place

93) Don't drink and drive

94) Scream at inanimate objects

95) If you're at a party with good friends, you don't need drugs

96) Spend an hour and a half on a trampoline

97) Live out "The Lazy Song"

98) Call a friend crying. If they talk to you they're a good friend; if they ask to come over they're a great friend; if they cry along with you, they're a best friend

99) Don't beat up your ex, beat up your friends'; they'll return the favor

100) Love the life you life; live the life you love