It Was Then I Knew

My body was slick with sweat. The sun beat onto my back relentlessly, burning the patchy, chemically produced skin that covered my body. My hair had begun to grow back in clumps some time ago. If I ever got around to it, I could cut it to a somewhat normal length. It would be shorter than it had ever been.

The paved path around Victor's Village was scorching the bottom of my feet as I left my house. I felt blisters forming on the bottoms of my feet. My mind told me to reverse my journey, head toward my own house, and never look back. But I kept going. I had to.

My mouth went dry as I reached up to knock on the door. But before my hand came in contact with the wood, the door was open. I felt a shiver run through my body as I looked at him. He looked as shocked to see me as I was to see him. When I made the journey across the fiery pavement, I knew we would meet, but I didn't expect to see him looking like he did. Put together. Neat. The exact opposite as I felt.

For a moment I hated him. Why should he be able to be normal? Or at least appear to be. Why is it that I have to look disheveled and misshapen and broken?

"It's hot outside," he observed, breaking the silence. I realized I had been standing in the doorway for over a minute, just staring.

"It is."

"I have the air conditioning on. You can come in if you want."

"You sure?"

"'Course."

He opened the door wider and allowed me to pass. The cold tiles on my burning feet came as a sweet release. I sighed, letting my whole body be soothed by the breathable air. I hadn't bothered to turn the air conditioning on in my house. Didn't think it would make much of a difference. I made a note to make sure to do it as soon as I got home.

"C'mon. Let's sit," Peeta said, breaking my bubble of serene silence.

"Okay."

Walking through his house, I noticed how neat it was. There was no smell of dirty hair or decaying skin or the feeling of death swelling in from the walls, threatening to suffocate any who acknowledged it. It wasn't long before I was sitting on one end of the couch slightly tilted to the side so that I could see him on the opposite end.

"So... you're here."

"I am."

And then there was another silence. A silence that deafened me. He opened his mouth to say something, but he never got the chance. Everything that I had pent up came spilling from my mouth.

"What is happening to us? Since you came back we are nothing but strangers. We were a team; we used to always be there when something went wrong. And then everything went wrong, but you weren't there. You came back, but I still never see you. We're strangers again. Only it's worse. Because when we didn't know each other, it didn't matter. But now we do and we ignore one another. And I have to know why." My throat was closing and I had to fight to get the next words out. "I need you, Peeta."

Hot, heavy tears fell from my eyes. Soon my whole face was wet and sticky with tears. Droplets of water dripped from my chin and splashed into my hands, folded neatly on my lap. My whole body shook as sobs wracked through my body.

Slowly, I felt the cushion I was on tilt to the side. I felt heat from another body beside me. And then slowly, unsure arms wrapped themselves around me. They pulled me toward him, and soon my head was on his shoulder, tucked under his chin. My body let go of the tension and melted into his. He waited until my body had run out of tears to speak.

"Katniss," he whispered, pressing his lips to the top of my head. Just like he used to. When he used to hold me in this same position and comfort me. Because I was just a broken girl. "It's okay. I promise, it's okay."

"No, it's not. It's all gone."

"I'm not gone. I'm still here." I looked up into his eyes. Those blue eyes. Those windows to his soul. "I'm still here, Katniss."

"I know you are." It was then that I turned my head to press my lips against his. And just like in the cave, just like on the train, just like on the beach, I felt a stirring inside my chest. It was then that I realized Peeta Mellark was here for me.

And always would be.